an official corporate presentation by me right now:
don’t believe anything anybody tells you, do what the fuck you want, don’t listen to anybody. learn new ways to bend your appendages. it’s sad that some people live into their 80s and 90s without knowing that they can bend their necks in this or that ultra-specific way that they never thought to try before.
“well, yeah, you know”
“yeah, I know, I mean,”
“yeah, like, I don’t know”
“yeah, I mean, you know”
“I mean, well, like,”
“I mean but like, you know”
“I know!”
“yeah exactly! it’s like, I mean, well, you know”
“yeah, I know, I mean, like, you know”
“well, I don’t know, I mean”
“well, but, you know, I mean,”
“I just, well, I mean, like,”
“I know, but like, well,”
“yeah, I guess, like, you know”
“hahaha, it can’t be like, I mean”
“hahaha no because like, yeah, you know”
“yeah! exactly! I mean, I just like, I mean,”
“yeah, no, yeah, no”
“no, but like, yeah”
“yeah, but like, no”
“yeah, I mean, well, it’s like, you know”
“yeah, I do!”
“yeah! you do!”
“I don’t know, I mean,”
“yeah, but like”
“I just don’t know”
“I mean it’s like, you know”
“yeah, I know, but like”
“yeah I guess it’s just like”
“I dunno, it’s just like, you know”
“well, it’s like, I dunno”
“yeah, I mean, I just don’t know”
“yeah, well, I guess”
“yeah I mean you know”
“yeah, you know, like,”
“well, yeah, like, I mean”
“it’s like, well, yeah”
“yeah! exactly, like, you know, like,”
“yeah, so like, well, I mean”
“right, but like, you know”
“so I mean just like something”
“yeah I mean so like something”
“whatever, i just really like some things and not others”
“and I am by no means here to stop you from continuing that behavior”
“by what means are you here”
“rough and tumble ragweed means, sturdy but dusty”
“artfully constructed sentence, but how do you really feel”
“my soul undulates and I feel neither positively nor negatively”
“just blankness?”
“I am a blank being”
“and you accept that about yourself”
“as much as I can accept anything else”
“as in life knowing that you are alive?”
“bodies, decomposed, enter my body, and I remain alive”
“by what means do you remain alive”
“every statement has a hidden subtext, and every hidden subtext has an FAQ pamphlet pertaining to it. this is called the flaxial law. sometimes a sentence grows so complex that it develops a consciousness, and that is how I was brought into existence. I remain alive by reaching around things in a certain way.”
“good, good, that’s so articulate. how are you feeling?”
“a bit insecure.”
“why?”
“part of me thinks I’m dead.”
“hmm.”
“like this interaction is just a dream and I’m lying in a hospital bed.”
“yeah, I hear that from a lot of my clients.”
“great, so I’m just like every other FUCKING client of yours?! fuck you!”
“oh gosh, years of psychiatric education to be treated like THIS!” (weeps.)
“fuck you for dismissing me”
“I dismissed you, and I’m sorry”
“well, thank you, but I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive you. I might start seeing another psychiatrist instead of you.”
“NO! Please, never!”
“how are you feeling?
“insecure.”
“years of graduate school got you down?”
“what?”
“you heard me, you little bitch of a therapist”
“I…”
“sorry, I shouldn’t have been so rude”
“yeah, that’s right, you little bitch of a client”
“I… uh…”
“sorry, I shouldn’t have been so rude.”
“oh, haha, no worries, let’s call it good. cheers.” (clinks glass. client and therapist are drinking martinis.)
“nice, well, so I guess I never mentioned that my dad died while drinking a martini.”
(about to sip, pauses.) “oh. how about that.”
