Unleashed

Oh god I am soooo feelin' it tonight, babehz. Whoa damn, I just spun outta control, but into oblivion. Help me count to seven, or I will spank you so hard you'll wish there were no stars in the goddamn fat juicy sky. Mmmm sweet fat juices. Cut 'em open, slather yer meaty palms with gobs o' shit-thick grease. Show it teh yer paw. Nuthin'. HUH. Okay, shut the fuck up you fat fucks, help me puncture this thick oyster with my fat wrought-iron tongs. One, two, three, SHIT, okay? Don't even GODDAMN question it. Just fucking buckle down and shoot him in the testicle. One, two, goddamn three. I don't even give a flying shit testicle who the fuck you are. Just goddamn eat these leaves with your face. Okay, sorry ya shit tit mats. Back to the basics. HA SHIT--sorry, waft me waft me waft me I ONLY speak in Portuguese--EH? Wait, I'm sorry, but I am not quite following your patterns of speech. Your thick, meaty lips flop around like fat sausages, and your diaphragm dramatically shoots up and down like a goddamn hack saw, but for whatever reason I just can't make out yer vocal sputterinz, ya cunt socket. oh-! I'm gonna buy me a large cake and use it for welding my ears to the walls. Hahahahaha. Okay, on to bigger and better things fat orange pork tickle my stomach with greasy felt antlers and wave to me. WAVE TO ME. Okay, point made, point taken, slap my grandmother square in the goddamn throat; hey. You aren't exactly what I was expecting, partner. I was sorta lookin' out fer a fat bitch with a tight wig, whereas yer lookin' so skrawny I oughta kick yer fat teeth clean out. I really do apologize. DEEPLY.

I purchased him at the store, and here he is: Dan. Your new friend, Dan. Whip him, gut him, shove him into a goddamn fire hydrant with nothing but your bare fists. RAH. Makes ya feel like a MAN. Okay, so let's talk about real men: they have fat tits. DONE. On to bigger and better things portents hit them whittle me a little basket out of carpet shavings ship me to the moon poke out both of my eyes and de-limb my friends. I stocked up recently on old used cunts. They are fresh, hot off the presses, tsssssss! OOH! AAH! Straight outta the little hot plates. Liiiiittle little hot plates; wait, I'm not sure who I am all of a sudden. Oh, got it. I have resurrected my granddaddy with my fists, hopping to and fro in between the staircases, strangling anyone who dares defy my fickle will--JESUS. OKAY, STRAP ON YOUR STIRRUPS AND SHOOT ME IN THE TEETH. UH!

heep heep cake cake.

HOLE-IN-ONE, BITCH. Here's whatcha gotta do: Remove yer overalls an' dip 'em in straight-up PAIN, BITCH RRAWRRR BAKE 'EM UP ON THE STOVE AND SHIT ON 'EM, RAH!

*COUGHS* HEY, CUNT.

*COUGHS VIOLENTLY TILL HE BLEEDS OUT HIS FACE* AW, SHIT, THOMPSON! AWWWW SHIT!

helter skelter higgins: knit knit knit, build something for me out of nothing; haggle with me until you receive a deal that seems reasonable to you, YOU ASS. stir up my stirrups. hohohhhohhhhhhhh, oh. oh oops i guess i am not in full understanding of your proposal; let's see, i am tempted to weld antlers to your eyes and name you funny names, but i'm-a-gonna turn upside down and castrate a weasel.

AHEM, SHIT. hug me so tightly, mama. milk me with vigor, andrew. harness my droppings, frederick. ooooflutterflutter, ooooooooflutterflutter, JEFF.

JEFF.

(Ahhhh, glad to get that out of my system...)